Friday, July 16, 2004

2 tahun sendirian.. (baca: menjomblo)

Hm.. hari ini hari peringatan 2 dua tahun, ehm, dalam bahasa gaulnya, menjomblo. Dalam bahasa blognya 'Hiatus' terlama gue dari perjuangan mencari lawan jenis.. rekor nih.. menembus 2 tahun.. Hm.. kayaknya musti makan'makan or something.. walau kayaknya gue gak malam malem tadi..

Gue gak pernah inget kapan gue putus untuk terakhir kalinya 2 tahun yang lalu.. mungkin masih sekitar agustus tapi gue mulai sendiri yah dari tanggal'tanggal seginian.. Tanggal 15 Juli itu sebuah momentum yang gue ambil berdasarkan tanggal mantan gue ulang tahun, karena gue selalu teringat sama tanggal ini, dan memang gue gak pernah ngerayain ulang tahunnya mantan gue itu selama pacaran dulu.

Mungkin masih banyak orang yang, ehm, ngefans, sama gue, yang selalu pengin tahu kenapa gue masih sendirian aja dan kenapa gue jadi sendirian (maksudnya jomblo.. gue gak terlalu suka istilah ini, terlalu gaul buat gue gitu lho...). It's kinda a cliche thing actually, and a stupid thing, taken from one side, my side, of the story.. Bukannya untuk terbayang'bayang tapi untuk mengenang masa lalu. Situasinya is a little bit ackward for me, karena i always got the impression that i'm not over it, even though i sure do, i think.. wel, it's ackward.

Gue masih inget the last time we kissed, it's on the 25th of June. We're on the cinema, watchin' that crappy Will Smith's ALI . And after that it became blurry.. All I know is, she went to a retreat camp in malang, and met this guy.. One evening she called, and told me to forgive her, back then i don't know what it's all about, so, as always, i teased her, and she gets upset. When she got back, everything is not the same anymore.. She told me she has lost her feelings for me, and wanted a time off for.. a while, well it became for good..

Setelah itu beberapa puluh hari kemudian gue masih dalam keadaan menolak kenyataan, dan baru sadar tentang apa yang terjadi, well it was a whole new part if the story, tapi laen kali aja deh gue jelasin. All i know, she cheated on me. Gue diDUAin, kebayang deh.. itu belum seberapa, nah, this guy, ternyata adek kelas gue dong.. muter2 jauh ke malang taunya masak balik lagi ke dunia gue?? Sekolah gue itu sekolah homogen cowok, ego and pride is everything, nah lagi'lagi.. keBAYANG dong gimana rasanya gue.. Sakit hati gak seberapa waktu itu, impian, wel mungkin rusak sedikit, tapi yang diambil dari gue itu harga diri.. Gue baru ngerasain apa yang namanya depresi, sampe early mid-life crisis.. semuanya krisis deh.. dendam, emosi, dan melankolisme terbawa terus di kehidupan gue..

Sekarang sih udah menjadi sebuah lelucon masa lalu bagi gue, a really stupid thing, tapi emang nyakitin sih, heheh. What will happen next? Sendirian 3 tahun? 4 tahun? taon depan malah kawin? who knows? gue ajah gak tau, gue juga gak tau mau dibawa kemana hati gue ini heheh, just goin' where the wind of faith goes..

Bon Anniversarie, Ma Cherrie Mon Amie.. karma dan takdir..

oh iye, dulu kalo gue lagi down banget soal ginian gue selalu ngedengerin lagu ini;

Reel Big Fish - Drunk Again

If I had a dollar bill for every time I've been wrong
I'd be a self-made millionaire and you'd still be gone
So hand me down my best dress shoes and my best dress shirt
Cause I'm going out in style to cover the hurt
And all I wanna do all day is spend it in bed
But that's bad for the body and even worse for my head
So I'll try and find a place where no one will ask me a thing
It'll help to forget and help me to sing

Cause now I'm drunk again
The means to my end
And I'm scared of myself
Cause now it's the same the faces and names
And I'm scared of myself again

Have you ever wanted to wake up from your dreaming
Scared you so bad you couldn't control your heart or your breathing
Well walk out the door with me on the floor
You don't care how I'm feeling
I guess a weak and tired and frightened man is no longer appealing

Some people have a gift of reaching right into your soul and finding the whole and making it bigger
Baby sometimes I think I catch ya crackin' cynical smiles and in a short while you'll be my heart's grave digger
Well there's not much I can do
Cause I'm at the mercy of you
So baby I guess we're through

Cause now I'm drunk again
The means to my end
And I'm scared of myself
Cause now it's the same the faces and names
And I'm scared of myself again
Cause now it's all the same the faces and the names
So go walk out the door you don't believe me no more
And I'm scared of myself again

If I had a dollar bill for every time I been wrong
I'd be a self made millionaire and I wouldn't be singing..

Ryan ngoceh'ngoceh at 7/16/2004 01:57:00 AM 0 ikut'ngoceh

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