koesuma.tk: Ryan Koesuma's Journal

Saturday, February 26, 2005

Meaningless(/full) Conversations..

Kemaren rabu gue pergi ke rehearsal show-nya eric yang entah sudah keberapa kalinya diadakan, di classic rock cafe as always, after a day's stress. Gue depresi banget waktu itu, gara'gara ngegambar terus di studio, gue belon pernah sedepresi itu deh kayaknya. Entah berapa banyak puntung rokok yang gue habisin, tapi gue inget kotak yang baru gue buka siangnya, udah abis dalam waktu sekejap..

Sorenya, setelah studio, ujan deres banget, (yang gak pernah berenti setiap hari selama 2 bulan terakhir di bandung.. ) gue meringkuk sendirian di kamar kos, dan bayangan akan kerjaan masih menghantui, bikin gue kayak orang bego, bengong terus. Gue pikir, tai lah semuanya, gue perlu break dulu, gak akan bisa kerja juga malemnya. Besides, gue emang udah lama kepengen dateng ke rehearsal show. Acara yang minggu lalu gue udah ketinggalan kecoa neraka, bumblebee dan seek sick six. Jadi minggu ini gue kudu dateng. Ada Black Rasta Society (yang ternyata isinya anak'anak unpar angkatan gue juga), Inspirational Joni, dan Speaker 1st. Tetapi di sudut lain di kota bandung ini, di laga pub, ada gig'nya Ingrowing, band grindcore asal Ceko, with performances by seringai and jasad. Tapi kejauhan, dan kayaknya kalo gue kesitu bakal kecapekan karena moshing dan badan pasti memar'memar jadi gue ke classic rock aja.

Gue dateng masih cukup sore karena acaranya belon dimulai, sekitar jem 7 kurang lah. Gue langsung nyamperin eric yang duduk di tengah bersama 3 orang lainnya and greet him with a belated birthday handshake, heheh. Di meja itu jadinya ada, Ai, vokalis kecoa neraka yang mukanya kayak rob scnieder kata eric. I've seen his face before, dan gue baru inget dia salah satu orang yang ikut workshop bareng Han Sungpil, fotografer korea yang sempet mampir kemaren di Sunaryo. Gimana elu bisa lupa mukanya kalo ada 100 buah foto dirinya bersama wisatawan di tangkupan perahu waktu pameran di Sunaryo. Diliput di pikiran rakyat lagi, dengan temen gue sebagai blurred foregroundnya (btw, temen gue itu bangga banget masuk koran, jadi fotonya di pajang di kampus). Next to Ai, is Jena, not Jenna, not Jay-na, but Jhe-na. Gue sempet bingung kenapa namanya bisa gak lazim begitu hehe. Dan ada satu lagi cewe yang ikut ngobrol, tapi gue lupa namanya. Ntar gue tanya Eric lagi deh.

Btw, i ended up having a deep conversation with the girl who's name i forgot. A real heavy anonimous conversation. She refused to bring up her backgroud to the conversation (which is convetionally an opening topic for a introducial conversation), dia bilang, biar pembicaraannya gak berenti di 'eh kenal sama yang namanya ini' ato 'gue punya temen di situ', dsb. Pretty fun juga gue rasa, belon pernah ngobrol kayak gini, and i really enjoyed it since i'm very talkative and curious. I do agree, model ngobrol kayak gini masih sangat langka untuk ditemukan di Indonesia, talking to a stranger with a heavy or just casual topics. Di tengah hisapan rokok, gemetar tubuh gara'gara depresi, dan topik pembicaraan yang waktu eric nguping dibilang berat banget hehe, gue justru sangat nyaman, dan gak kesulitan untuk ngobrol. Dia orang yang periang, dan sensible, meanwhile gue lagi depresi, tapi gak kehilangan selera ironis dan satir untuk gak sengaja melucu. Tapi gue gak ngobrol lama, 20 minutes tops. It's like an intelectual/brain quickie. Meaningless or meaningful, gue sedikit banyak mulai mikirin tentang pembicaraan, how it should went, and how i wanted it to go. That conversation was really honest, dan gak harus membuat lu berbohong tentang dirilu sendiri, karena bukan dirilu yang penting, tapi pikiranlu, dan pikiran elu tertuang didalam omonganlu. wel, it's been a nice conversation, and i really love to have it in the future, anonimous girl.

Back at this minute, gue baru aja menerima invitation ke ringo. I usually deleted it, karena gue gak tertarik akan trend sesaat yang katarsis (err.. refer to roy suryo, hehe), or at least i need a trigger for it. Tapi nama di email ini seems to be somewhat special. Regina Julia Taslim. Wel, she was my girlfriend a couple of years ago, the last for all these years of being single. It was special, she was special, although it might not have the best ending, wel you could say it ended up being tragic for me and i think she is still have the guilty feeling for having a significant other.

Wel, actually I've been thinking about her for the last few devastating days (and unfortunately more to come) for me. Alasan kenapa gue selalu mikirin dia, wel i dont think i have any feelings for her anymore, tapi karena gue gak pernah punya hubungan yang baik semenjak putus, gantel berat, and it's really a burden for me when i was remembering my time at the past. You know, i just want to be in contact, just for the sake of a friendly relationship, (pernah gak sih elu berasa kalo punya hubungan yang gak baik sama seseorang dalam hidup elu itu rasanya gak enak? try to be honest with your heart?) dan kayaknya to me, she's always avoiding me. Mungkin aja karena masih guilty feeling itu, but i don't know for sure. Whatever it is, gue kepengen berhubungan sama dia, just friends, because we used to understand each other at the past, why can't we do it now? Sure a couple of things have changed, but the nicest things never changed, plenty to mention here. Btw, kalo diliat di foto'fotonya di friendster, dia tambah cantik, doh!(homer's grunt) hehe.

I was hoping that i could have a nice conversation with her, mungkin gue pernah bikin kesel, mungkin gue pernah kesel sama dia, but all i have is left is to hope the best for her, it's no use to get mellancholic over it. (thay is why that emo is so gay, hehe, jk) You know, like the conversations when old friends met? Apa susahnya sih? Wel, i think i deserved another shot of trying to start it. Maybe with this new ringo thingie, whatever that is, at least i got her new email.

Ryan ngoceh'ngoceh at 2/26/2005 08:55:00 PM 2 ikut'ngoceh

2 ikut'ngoceh:

hmm... seperti nya seru tuh ?
kok gwe gak diajak yah ??

Anonymous ngoceh'ngoceh, at 10:07 PM